Wanting to be needed

I need you to want me
I need you to want to talk to me
I need you to love me
I need you to do all the things I never thought I would need again
I need you to need me

This paralyzing unwelcomed need to be needed,
all from a chance encounter,
all because familiarity felt better than cold laughter,
and the bonfire lit was not enough to spark a meaningless connection needed,
Yet I need you to have felt something.

The icy moments shared between sweet and cold pink drinks,
Yet warm enough to keep the conversation heated,
and sweet enough to remind me of summer 2010,
Still I'm left with cold hands grasping on to water to keep from drowning.
Drowning from the exhaustion of waiting.
Waiting for what, you ask.
Waiting to feel needed as I have been chanting since the moment I heard your voice.
Waiting for the need I have recited in my head since I met you.
But I will repeat my need the way I recited it in my head.

It was a forced connection
from a chance encounter
Which led me to a moment of laughter
Saving me from the iciness of that I had learnt to call familiar,
Melting all I have chosen to know and believe is life as it should be, and so,
I needed to feel a bit more than I had allowed myself to feel in years.

This unreasonable feeling may have been caused by time,
It may have been the moment, the setting, the mood and the season,
It may have been the flow of liquid cocaine as I took in what you had to offer,
Or the taste of first real laughter stemming from one of the most orchestrated evenings,
Leading to the most memorable moment in my life.
Or maybe, just maybe,
It was a mix of all the things that could go wrong,
Meeting in singularity to piece together that one single moment
That made me feel wanted,
And awakened that piece of my soul that still yearned to needed.

Still in all truthfulness,
I want it to be me,
I need it to be about me...
I need it to be;
I need me to want me,
I need me to love me,
I need me to kiss the nightmares away,
I need me to need me...
So much that needing you to need me
feels like wasted time that I could have had with me,
Because I need you to need me feels heavier as a reality
if you do not need me to need you.