Hide, I can hear you breathe.

There is a certain point in life, when you think your pain is more valid than any other pain. That point, I have learnt, is my reminder to come back to myself. Not to say what you are going through is not big enough or worth the emotion you give it, but to say, I have seen tornadoes, walked through fire and drowned myself often enough to know, it is not worth taking someone with you. Burning flames do not burn less just because there is someone else burning with you (Don't be technical about it).

Coming from a troubled past and still battling with psychological issues, most of which I am aware of, I am more in tune with who I am, what triggers me and what brings me back to me. I have walked the medical route, I have felt the spiritual realm, I have physically exhausted myself of feelings and been the advocate of felt pain you can describe versus the feeling of, 'My heart is being ripped out of my chest and I cant put it back together... I cannot breathe, and I feel empty but I am alive so I must be breathing'. Like I said, I know me better now, to know to leave hell just as the AC starts to die down.

My fear is being your savior, for I am no good Samaritan. I know nothing of kindness, selflessness and healing. I will reign havoc and bring terror to the learning soul. How can one expect mercy from a character that carries a particular soul for a specific job. The voices in my head do not allow it and I forbid it. How do you go looking for comfort in a place whereby my own monsters sometimes hide because they are terrified of the actual being. I am not here for you and  no one is coming for you. Only you can save yourself.

And still, I do not have a song for this one...

You know what you usually do after a painful goodbye...
You write it out,
I write it out?
Yes, you write it down and allow yourself to feel.

All I found today was:

“I asked her if she believed in love, and she smiled and said it was her most elaborate method of self-harm.”― Benedict Smith

Unfortunately I want to feel this one,
like a memory so close to my heart,
I fear I am not grieving the loss of you,
But a reminder of a love I once had,
The devil I once knew...
The only love I will ever know.