Maybe I take things too personally... #justsayin

Hang up...
No you hang up...
No you h...*click*....! (redial)

Classic love-hate story... You are in love with someone, but they are not in love with you...
You call someone your friend, but to them, you are not their friend.
Where do we draw the line, when is reality really reality... When do we stop fooling ourselves and see a picture as it really is... A picture.

Is it the day you call because you really need the other person and all you hear is:
“*ring ring, ring ri.. *...*click*... ‘the number you have dialled is not availa....’”
Or a very important day in your life when all you get is a text saying, “ Sorry, I can’t make it, I got too tired now I think I am gonna crash, can we celebrate you later”
Is it the day you walk out of my house, and meet me in the crowd but pretend we not friends, that you don’t even know how the inside of my house looks.
When do you know when enough is enough, when holding on is all in vain.

I sat by my phone waiting for you to call, for you did say you would...consistency, isn’t  that what you called it. I waited for an email where you’d apologise for not being there when the melody went silent in my life, cause regardless of where we were, you said we’d always be friends. You said I gave up on you, in-between the emails, the time I made for you when you needed me, our fighting and the awkward laughs.
Well I guess maybe I did.
Was it the day I didn’t meet my deadline to be with you because she ‘left’ you,
Or the night I stayed up late so your tears can dry and you can fall asleep,
Or the knock on my door at 4 in the morning, not because you have nowhere to go, but nothing to go to.

You silence has always screamed my name, still I am not the one for you.
The respect you have always shown me is breathtaking, but sometimes words are what would heal me.
When I gave up on life you said you understood, now you mock me with the images of who I have been.
Now watch my life go up in flames, tell me, do you think we are still on the same page?

*Not in a good place, this are just thoughts taken from reality
might revisit them and come up with something or leave them

as they are, whatever the decision, we have to know when to

let go... 

Is Love Alive...?

I keep listening to the winter song,
Hoping things will start to make sense...
The storm is coming soon they say,
And so I wonder, will we survive the storm?

Sipping on this ginger tea, hoping the cold will get better,
My frozen heart keeps getting worse... yet somehow it still beats.
Hoping you could heal the pain within,
Yet with each touch I feel you getting colder...

They say you are here now, and that’s what matters
But what is the point if you know that tomorrow you won’t be here,
For a cry for help is what you have always heard...
Her cry for help so to say...
“Wolf...Wolf...!” she calls out...

How long before you realise what is before you,
How long before you realise what she has turned to,
How long before you realise who you have become?
With the hope slowly dying out, maybe one day you will...

They ask why I would want to walk,
Well they have never been in my shoes....late at night...with the devil as a friend
They say if you do feel anything then you’d know,
Well, If love is alive then maybe it is a lie...

Slowly sinking into the winter,
I know summer is coming after the storm...
Hoping I can keep this love alive,
Because then, everything was a lie...

****Personal thought****

I think people put a lot of thought in what they post...somethings are made to look innocent, some indirect...but deep inside, we know who we are referring to. 

Therefore I am taking this moment to acknowledge the things I have done (a lot), things I wont do (you), things I wanna do (tell you off, you are one of them *same faces*)  and things I shouldn't do (which I am gonna do)... 

A good friend said," People do not sabotage us in relationships, we sabotage ourselves..."

*********I have stopped looking for signs... that ish only make you kray kray!*********

lets light up this mawfakaz b**ches....!

Lets make it a long goodbye

A wise man once said, “Love is forever... God’s concept of unconditional love was that once you are in...you are in, there is ‘no way out’...”
Another man also said, “With only Love was there hate, with hate was there Love...and so Love makes us beautiful inside...”
Looking at what we have all become, are the good ones still here?
I grew up believing in the good of people, that within each of us... a certain good prevails... I understood the concept of being able to control what I feel... little did I know...
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 says
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
It takes a lot for one to perfect this scripture in life, but if one can do it, if one could find such kind of Love, would one walk away from it?

Reality check No. 1

1st month of consistency and what have I learnt:

His dress sense                                                           She's not real
He knows (or at least thinks he does) what he wants                 She knows she should be locked up,hell, granted
                                                                                    a chastity belt
He might be a tad-bit honest                                          She's an even bigger liar
He tries                                                                       She expects more without giving back

...

She slowly opens her eyes,

Hoping her reality was not just a dream

Reaching out she knows it’s not,

For forbidden it was but before her it is...

Denied the joy to be,

She had become that which they refused...

Allowed to be,

She had destroyed that which gave her the freedom to be..

For twisted as she was, fate had never given way to chance,

And so she had chosen her destiny...

Looking back at the decisions she made,

Hard as they were, she knew the deal she had made

And so, as they dance in her backyard claiming her soul

She acts content with what she has

For in the trade she made to be and to have

She knew the blood price she had to pay

It wasn't in the 1st sacrifice that she lost herself

Or the 2nd she thought she had to make

But in walking a moment ago

From that which she had always known,

Searching for what she had left behind

Now broken and wounded she feigns a smile

Hoping the picture she has painted will help her forget

Forget her 1st and 2nd, and so be given an nth chance.

Waking up she reaches out,

Touching that which she had always had

she asks herself..."what would happen if they knew"

Well, as long as they keep dancing,

Her secret is safe...

Atleast that's what they say...

It seems like this story has been told before,
Yet the life in it seems different from the colours it had before
For she once spoke of a life, its joys and living...
Her soulless life now tells a tale of a child who was...
“Undecided”, she once proclaimed...
Well, her silence has made her forgettable as no one really knows who she was.

She once painted a picture...fading overtime no one knows her story...
She spoke of living colours that stood for salvation
Her lifeless soul looks back on what was and no achievement can be named because she forgot to live...

She believed in the goodness of people...
What goodness is there when they feed on her pain making her disappear
Into the background as their success takes priority....
Their success...it has always been about that...
For she had dreams too.... her dreams enticed the joy of completing dreams...
Hers were shuttered as opportunity was not granted as her sanity was taken away too soon.

She now speaks of a life she once had like she has nothing to live for...
She reminisces on the future she could have had before she even lives it,
She dwells in the graveyard waiting for darkness to come so she can lie awake in her coffin...
“Waiting and waiting”, she says....
“Take me from this misery!” she screams...
Take all this emptiness... the void...and fill it with darkness...
It would be like the spread of venom as she slowly sinks into her deep slumber....
Forgetting who she had been...
She once wrote a story no one read...now her story is seen in hymns sang to remember her existence...
“As the dark angel leads the way, can you hear me.....I need to know...”