Saturday, 28 July 2012

Exit wounds...


According to the dictionary, it's a wound made by a bullet or projectile that passes through the body, according to the 'urban' dictionary...guess you can find that out yourself... According to me... It takes a long time to heal.

In life we go through a lot of unpleasant situations, fact is they may not have been unpleasant initially, reality is, whatever the case in the ‘end’ they leave a wound. This wound I  call an exit wound. Some of us display this wound with pride, and wear the scar as a reminder of where we have been. Some of us love to pretend there was no wound, and so life goes on.
I remember a friend who had a painful childhood, parents had a nasty divorce and she was stuck in-between... she came out of the situation strong, hopeful and determined to prove that what happened there is not what was supposed to happen.
On the hand, my other friend’s parents went through the same thing... needless to say, she lost all faith in relationships and their ability to last. Exit wounds, different impacts.
I find myself in a situation where I am battling to move. Be it moving forward, standing still... or going back. See in my mind I am a strong, courageous being... not afraid of anything. In my mind, I don’t get attached, I don’t hurt and I most certainly don’t give a **** about anything. Reality is I am the exact opposite of that, but what people can’t see, people won’t know. It’s the number of things that hurt me that makes me me... the small things that make me smile... and the number of times I look back before taking the next step that makes me different. But we never know because it all happens in the dark. That’s the world we living in.

My reality is that no one knows about my exit wound, because a ‘concealer’ does its job well...
Where is your exit wound, which is your exit wound, how did you get your exit wound, will anyone ever know?
My exit wound is my sanity, what’s yours?

Thursday, 26 July 2012

The Truth about the Truth....


“The TRUTH about the truth is IT (the truth) hurts, so... we lie...” - Grey’s

I was excited at the thought of getting a chance to start afresh. I get to not make the same mistakes. I had a plan, not to say I don’t have one anymore, I still do but the question is... is it or was it realistic?
According to the dictionary, a fresh start means ‘a chance to start over without prejudice’, according to me, how does one start over?
It’s either you “start over” with your “past”, which is technically trying to right the wrong, or you start over in a new place... All new e’rything, which technically is moving on. How does one change their reality when they themselves haven’t changed? Kinda like the saying, “all men are the same”... When in fact we just are drawn to what we are or were used to, making us fall into the same situation over and over again regardless of how much we change around us.
I guess a “new start” starts with ‘I’... Me... An individual. It’s a decision to try and move out of a situation, breathe for air, and take that 1st step into the unknown. It’s deciding to acknowledge what has happened, accepting it and allowing it to refine you. It’s deciding to live regardless of the pain and facing the unknown without fear... Okay, at least a certain amount of fear but greater faith in yourself in that you will be fine. It’s actually like bearing yourself (like what Ross Macdonald meant by , “Held her body with a kind of awkward pride mixed with shame, like a young girl suddenly conscious of her flesh”) and after the judgement, knowing you have nothing to hide, living your life openly because then you also have found inner strength...

I used to think starting over was great... New beginning... Fresh start...
True, it is a great “idea”... What they don’t tell you is that it’s not easy to do.