A blast from the past.....

Her heart beats...gently 

for she had accepted her fate 

she stares at the empty darkness 

her smile breaks out,for home is near 

it all started the day he smiled 

for she believed her angel had arrived 

her heart stopped beating then 

for it danced 4 joy..she had fallen 

the laughs wer ecstatic 

yet she refused to let the tears that followed to drown her 

for his soft hands made her forgert to breath 

yet his blows knocked out her breath 

the day the laughter ended 

she stood & watched her lifeless body 

for so long she believed he'd come back 

yet he kept draining the life out of her 

battered and shattered she waited that night 

her heart-beat accelarating when he came in 

for she knew her fate was near 

the ending she had longed for had never arrived 

the dagger that crossed her stomach didnt remove the love 

even the blows that reshaped her never made her any harder 

for that night her heart beat gently 

for she had accepted her fate 

yet she still loved him 

even when eternal sleep stole her life, 

she still loved him 

for he was her angel.... 

her angel of darkness... 

her angel of death... 

her angel untill death......

For Thoby.....*smiley face lol*

Its just one of those days
i thought to myself
trying so hard not to remember
i stared up at the empty sky
sunlight obscured by the dying summer leaves
this is what my life had become
my life had become like a drum
beautiful sounds it does make
adorable on the outside,yet empty inside
this is what had become of me...
the me without you


as i sit and stare at the vast empty space before me
i see the rebellion that had ceased to exist,
a part of you left to live in me
i smell the tobacco smoke,look around yet there is no one in view
my soul yearns for your touch....my hair dances with the wind
chills run through my body....and it seems as though you are here


i look around me...vast open space..
only my imagination...for the black wall still stood staring at me
trapped in the prison of my thoughts
terrified that I'd forget...i took a pad
scribblin so hard as to leave a mark
i wrote today's date...and my story began
this is not a dream,it is not a fantasy
its what had been...it was a moment in time.
tearing the page as i wrote...your memory had to live
all in vain i thought to myself...
its just one of those days....
tears drawin canals on my face...
this is it....this was it...you are no more
and i'm just having one of those days!

They say i draw inspiration from death,
Well i feel inspired by my own....
They say i run away from pain because I'm scared,
Well, what is pain if I claim to not feel yet close myself from my hearts desires...

Inhaling the breath of life deep within my being,
It pierces my heart and I suffocate...
Thought I was supposed to feel alive....yes I do feel more alive...
More alive as what was supposed to save me drowns me...
More alive as my heart stops beating, and i feel the numbness of the pain as
I slowly fall into the trap of my subconscious memory.....

In the end, we all go home...

A wise man once said,

"Nothing is more practical than falling in-love in a quiet absolute final way. What you are in-love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in-love, stay in-love and it will decide everything." -Nick H.

Every road we take in life, might lead us astray for a while, in the end, the yearning is there.... and we all end up at home. It might be a new home, an old place you call home, whatever it is, it is home...

*...I'm coming back home...*

As the clouds turn grey
And day into night,
I remember the smile of a child,
One who played and laughed
What has become of her innocence
For her smile has faded
And her voice silenced
For she once sang an unending song
One of hopes and dreams,
Yet today her melody is silenced and she sings no more
She had images of mountains and fountains
Her head up in the clouds as she put her life in someone's hands
Who would have known what she saw in the black wall that stood before her
For she spoke of a multicolored world filled with opportunities and happiness
A face filled with wrinkled happiness than the grim face looking at her
They all looked at her with sadness in their eyes,
For how can one like her expect more in a world like hers
Consumed in the flames of her own doing, what good could come out of it?
On that night she sat still in the cold,
Confronting her fears with a smile,
For a new sun was arising,
And as her soul slowly disappeared, she smiled at the memory
The memory of what life could have been…
And so accepted her fate with images of a happy life..

*ddnt mean to post it, but u said i shud....*

Letting go...
Or been let go of
I never understood the difficulties of choices,
For I have always been one to remind them that
“You made your choice, now live with it...”

That was until I made a request,
Little did I know it was a choice,
For in asking to live, I chose to leave...
In choosing to forgive, I forgot I would remember..
And thought I had let go.

Still I held on,
I held on to the memories,
I held on to the beliefs, the customs...
The rules, our rules...our house rules...

Today I sit with many broken,
Still I wonder if they still apply,
Well if they don’t, then why am I in tears...
If they don’t, why do I feel like I betrayed you...again

These are the thoughts we have when a good change comes but we still can’t let go of a sad past. For letting go might mean going against a promise made, yet holding on keeps you from living your life.
Stuck in the middle, where do I go?
A familiar past...
An unknown future...?
Time will tell, so they say...
But it might be too late to move either way...

It’s fine...
Don’t know how many times I have used those words
Your lighter is lost... it’s fine
You failed the test... it’s fine
Your Melody is dead...it’s fine
Is it ever really fine?

Tear stained eyes as you look into the phone
Silently hoping things would change
That one sentence you have been waiting to hear,
Yet it finally comes through...
It means totally nothing at all
Yet, it’s still fine

 You keep staring ahead at the blank wall,
Daring them to push through and as they do,
Proclaim you are a weakling because you finally feel.
Throwing yourself over a balcony,
You know it will hurt,
Yet pain is way better than what you feel you say.

What has become of the eyes that sparkled of happiness?
Today they glister with red surroundings and blurry lights
The once lit up face, burning as the hot water trail trickles down those ashy treks.
And they ask, What if things were different...?
“ well, it would be fine,
But i am fine... it’s fine”