A wise man once said,
"Scream, shout...Do whatever you have to do to let it out."
My interpretation came at a cost,
I walked right back to the beginning.
See, what I thought was an out, was actually a trap. I have definitely been to hell and back and then back to hell again in the last month. But that is the thing about resilience. I refuse to stay down. I am all that I set out to be. Where I have been does not define who I am.
I have found myself absolutely at a loss because....HUMANS!
Two years ago, I vowed to be self reliant, I mean, I am a strong independent black woman!
Clearly things did not go as planned because at the first sight of "I love you", I was in...head first!
Got me thinking, what is it about us that makes us believe you need someone else to be complete? Why are we built with the soul mate complex? Do they even exist or is it society that makes us feel that being alone is not acceptable?
I walked away from that relationship 5 days later...Reasons, very simple. I felt like I had to tone down who I was to make it comfortable for someone else. See, I am a very emotional person who happens to be working on being more vocal about more things that make me uncomfortable. The guy I was seeing chose to ignore that and focus on the good. I kept thinking of the peace life principles (yeah, I totally made that up), "keeping negativity out of your life", " if it costs you your peace, it is too expensive". I then figured this doesn't just apply to me right? I cant be out here expecting someone to bend because I am feeling a bit down. if I believe in positive vibes, then the other person can choose to eliminate negative vibes, which on this particular events were me. But then again, life is not just the ups, there are more downs than ups. But knowing this, and trying to preserve one's peace,does it mean," bend and be more accommodating" or "Take me as I am, if it requires change, or disturbs my peace, I do not want it.
Which one is it? How do I choose me and at the same time not shut myself out of life chances out of stubbornness? How far does one bend or do I even have to bend at all, just so I do not end up alone?
what Is so scary about being alone anyway?
