“The TRUTH
about the truth is IT (the truth) hurts, so... we lie...” - Grey’s
I was excited
at the thought of getting a chance to start afresh. I get to not make the same
mistakes. I had a plan, not to say I don’t have one anymore, I still do but the
question is... is it or was it realistic?
According to
the dictionary, a fresh start means ‘a chance to start over without prejudice’,
according to me, how does one start over?
It’s either
you “start over” with your “past”, which is technically trying to right the
wrong, or you start over in a new place... All new e’rything, which technically
is moving on. How does one change their reality when they themselves haven’t changed?
Kinda like the saying, “all men are the same”... When in fact we just are drawn
to what we are or were used to, making us fall into the same situation over and
over again regardless of how much we change around us.
I guess a “new
start” starts with ‘I’... Me... An individual. It’s a decision to try and move
out of a situation, breathe for air, and take that 1st step into the
unknown. It’s deciding to acknowledge what has happened, accepting it and
allowing it to refine you. It’s deciding to live regardless of the pain and
facing the unknown without fear... Okay, at least a certain amount of fear but
greater faith in yourself in that you will be fine. It’s actually like bearing
yourself (like what Ross Macdonald meant by , “Held her body with a kind of
awkward pride mixed with shame, like a young girl suddenly conscious of her
flesh”) and after the judgement, knowing you have nothing to hide, living your
life openly because then you also have found inner strength...
I used to think starting over was great... New beginning... Fresh start...
True, it is
a great “idea”... What they don’t tell you is that it’s not easy to do.
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