To whom it may concern...

Sight seeing - Johnny Rain

I think I've found my replacement.

You know, they say time is patience,

As things only got better the deeper we got in conversation.

Until she said, "I'm engaged",

And I said, "Congratulations."

If she could read my mind, she'd probably kill me, damn my heart is aching. 

Nothing…. Nothing?

Really fucken NOTHING!

It is not NOTHING, I said, “Congratulations”

I died with every letter I typed, So no, it is not nothing.

But what does one say when the light disappears?

What does one say when they forget to breathe?

What does one say when the one supposed to love them shatters their whole world?

I did not disappear, I seized to exist…I forgot to live… I stopped breathing.

It is not about fucking up my world,

How do you further destroy something that is already demolished?

Funny enough I think the last few months prepared me for this moment.

I have learnt to be non-existent. To not feel.

I have cried all my tears for you,

I have made my peace with you.

I will always love you, but this you can never undo.

I tried coming up with more excuses for you,

But I know this time it is not up to me.

It is not for me, I cannot do this anymore.

I am scared to talk to you,

Not because I am angry, mad, sad or in pain.

I am afraid I will never be able to close that door.

I am afraid I will never stop loving you.

Not that I will, but it, staring me in the face is worse than just knowing.

I’d rather know than yearn for it.

I’d rather know than pretend it never existed.

I’d rather know and keep it safely locked away, if that makes sense.

I’m afraid I’ll unravel.